Trying is One Thing; Doing is Another

Lest my last post make you think I'm some crazy person with insane willpower, etc, I should admit that it was just as much a reminder for me as it was for you.

I've been on a huge self improvement kick lately.  I like me fine just how I am, but I see no reason to be complacent about it.  Living isn't on a fixed scale - you can always strive to improve.  Problem is, it's easy to say you're making changes, but a lot harder to actually follow through.  And I'm no exception.

For example, since I started college, I've been "trying to lose 5-10 lbs."  Nothing drastic, but it still requires effort.  I would say that, and then go take huge servings of everything from the dining halls.  Dessert nearly every day, for both lunch and dinner.  Getting an apartment helped with that, at least a little, because I've always liked cooking.  So I wasn't eating breaded chicken and pizza every day anymore.  But I started going out to eat a lot more.  In the dorms, the dining halls were already paid for, so it made no sense to spend extra money eating out.  In an apartment, I'm paying for food either way so...

I apparently have at least some self control because I graduated weighing the same as when I started college.  But despite saying I was "trying" to lose weight for four years, I hadn't dropped a pound.  Clearly, I wasn't really trying.

So I've been trying harder lately.  I'm eating more fruits and veggies.  Eating out less.  Avoiding drinking on weekdays.  More protein, less simple carbs.  Weighing food to accurately count calories.

And it works!  At my lowest weight recently, I'm 5 lbs down.  Woo hoo!

Of course, it's not that simple.  What really happens is, I weigh myself on Monday and am shocked by the scale.  I eat well throughout the week, sometimes, and I'm happier with my weight on Friday.  Then I binge eat all weekend, and repeat.

It's amazing how I can continue to sabotage my efforts, week after week.  I can't even call it "effort" this week.  I skipped the gym Wednesday to go to Joe's company dinner.  I ate tons of pizza, drank tons of sangria, and we topped it off with a stop at Ben & Jerry's on the way home.  Yet, when I actually stick to my "diet," the weight drops off so easily.

My high weight these days is about 2 lbs less than my average weight when I graduated.  This is a start, but it makes me sad that it's all I've achieved.  It's embarrassing, but I have to admit that I'm still not trying as hard as I say I am.  So like I told you all last week, it's time for me to quit making excuses too.  I've been good at sticking with some of my goals, but I need to really make a habit of all of them.  I need to cut back on weekend binges.  Most importantly, I need to actually do these things, not just say I'm going to.